kerrin
11-03-2008, 04:42 PM
In a last minute campaign push I have decided to put together the top ten reasons I should be president. It should be quite obvious how I differ on the issues from all the other major and even minor candidates:
My answer to ‘Global Warming’ is: reduce your carbon output—stop talking!
My answer to the ‘financial crisis’ and ‘global warming’: plant some money-trees…the trees that are just so good everyone says, “those are money.”
My energy policies will seek out new forms of renewable energy such as two year olds—mine could keep a whole town running.
My answer to ‘World Hunger’ is: everybody eat something.
I promise if elected to “clean up the tone” in Washington by only playing the bright, clear tones heard in the superior guitar sounds of Steely Dan.
I promise if elected there will be no more big ‘bailouts’. I would rather create little ‘bailouts’. Because we all know, every now-and-then you forget to carry change, say, on the toll roads. I will pass a bill that will bailout all those little things you forget or need to waste your money on. The government should be your sugar daddy not big business’.
I promise if elected my foreign policy will include roshambo (aka ‘rock, paper, scissors’).
I promise if elected I will not nationalize health care. I will instead nationalize my stereo. Look, if it’s good enough for me it’s good for the rest of you.
I will not ’spread the wealth.’ I prefer to spread the butter. In the wise words of The Sugarhill Gang, “I don’t mean to brag I don’t mean to boast, but I like hot butter on my breakfast toast.”
I am running a clean, positive campaign, but the other guys are $%#&@ scum-bags.
America has a clear choice at the polls tomorrow. Vote for the winning ticket.
My answer to ‘Global Warming’ is: reduce your carbon output—stop talking!
My answer to the ‘financial crisis’ and ‘global warming’: plant some money-trees…the trees that are just so good everyone says, “those are money.”
My energy policies will seek out new forms of renewable energy such as two year olds—mine could keep a whole town running.
My answer to ‘World Hunger’ is: everybody eat something.
I promise if elected to “clean up the tone” in Washington by only playing the bright, clear tones heard in the superior guitar sounds of Steely Dan.
I promise if elected there will be no more big ‘bailouts’. I would rather create little ‘bailouts’. Because we all know, every now-and-then you forget to carry change, say, on the toll roads. I will pass a bill that will bailout all those little things you forget or need to waste your money on. The government should be your sugar daddy not big business’.
I promise if elected my foreign policy will include roshambo (aka ‘rock, paper, scissors’).
I promise if elected I will not nationalize health care. I will instead nationalize my stereo. Look, if it’s good enough for me it’s good for the rest of you.
I will not ’spread the wealth.’ I prefer to spread the butter. In the wise words of The Sugarhill Gang, “I don’t mean to brag I don’t mean to boast, but I like hot butter on my breakfast toast.”
I am running a clean, positive campaign, but the other guys are $%#&@ scum-bags.
America has a clear choice at the polls tomorrow. Vote for the winning ticket.